Depression
by Karin Mazaki
Summary: Yuuri won the Grand Prix. Their verbal contract over, Viktor's future was blank without Yuuri, his depression deepened. Can Yuuri turn things around in time? Rated T for adult situations.


Depression

Viktor sank into the foot of the bed, he sighed and flopped back, his arm straight up like he was surrendering. Yuuri was showering after his Grand Prix win. Normally, Viktor would get excited about the image of Yuuri with rivers of water running over his hot body, but the naughty images didn't come. When even the thought of sex with Yuuri doesn't stir anything in him, it was a sure sign he was depressed. The deep sadness seeped into him over this past month. Now that it's over, their verbal agreement completed, he has no further connection to Yuuri. Viktor has been increasingly anxious because Yuuri didn't say anything. He was probably afraid to when last year it caused such a scene. Yuuri just left it alone. Assuming this time Viktor would take his place in the skating world or go on with coaching others. Yuuri was satisfied with the win. He checked the final box. It was time to return home for good. Return to being just Viktor's fan. When he said that, Viktor got into a panic: "We are friends, right?" "Of course, we are if you want to be?" Yuuri looked so adorable as he asked the question with his big brown eyes filled with worry, Viktor had to hold him. He hugged the stuffing out of Yuuri. Of course, he loved to be friends with Yuuri forever. He just couldn't say "lovers" in place of "friends". His inability to leave the friendzone was the source of his sadness. The sadness that seeped into his marrow. It became part of his existence. The people closest to Viktor guessed what the problem was and looked darkly at Yuuri and grumbled in Russian under their breath. Viktor was a professional and hid the problem somewhat. He smiled but the light was gone from his eyes. There was a dullness and his interviews lack sparkle. In his previous break ups Viktor never missed a beat. This time there was a listlessness that didn't exist before when he got dumped.

This time he cared.

To the public, he was the same, on the ice at least. He worked harder than ever to get into shape. His program was beautiful and elegant, just as they remembered it. He was simply out skated by Yuuri and the other young skaters. They flew higher, landed with more grace, and even, out sexed him. Some people complained that Viktor gave his student the better program. But the experts said again and again it wasn't the program it was the skater. Viktor's long elegant movements were out of date after just one year. On the other hand, Yuuri's hot and sexy short program sizzled, and his long program was romantic. Yuuri put his feelings into the program. He was sexy for Viktor, romancing Viktor. His fans felt his feelings through his skating and fell in love with Yuuri at his peak. He soared in confidence. After the first competition, Yuuri was unstoppable, he won everything and broke records. Now he was retiring for good. Leaving at the top of his game. It was a great feeling for Yuuri.

For Viktor, the future was a blank. He returned as people begged him to do. But it was too late. His time passed. Yuuri wanted to test himself against Viktor. That Viktor was on the way out didn't matter. Yuuri needed to kill the ghost of the past. The ghost that got too worked up about competing against his idol and failed spectacularly. That Yuuri was dead. Now he could move on with his head held high. Viktor on the other hand was slipping into utter despair. He couldn't imagine life without Yuuri. Yuuri at his side. Yuuri needing him. Yuuri looking at him with his puppy dog eyes. Yuuri smiling at him. Yuuri angry, worried, happy, sad, or any thought or feeling at all. Yuuri working with him. Coaching with him. Or being coached by him for a few more years. Viktor dreamed of these things. Building a life with Yuuri. Living together. Eating together. Sleeping together. Waking up together. Playing with Makkachin together. All parts of his life would involve Yuuri if Yuuri just say what he wanted to hear. Even a little bit. But he never did. Thus, the depression.

The shower stopped. Viktor covered his eyes with his arm to avoid the glittering sun that is Yuuri.

Yuuri entered the bedroom in his bathrobe chattering away:

"What a difference a year makes! I feel great! We are going to have such a wonderful time!" Yuuri sighed. "Can't wait until I get home! My parents are going all out for the party! Then I think I can just stay. My sister isn't married yet so her fiancé and his kids...You know from his previous marriage, that accident what a shame. Anyway, they won't move in until after the wedding. So, I will have time. I'll be there for the wedding. Then help move the bunk beds into my room." Yuuri paused for breath. He never said so much at one time. Mari happened to meet her old boyfriend from high school, and they fell in love all over again. They broke up over something stupid and he went to college in Tokyo and the last thing she heard was he married a girl there. It was a happy marriage, but she was killed by a drunk driver. Finally, he decided to go home with his kids to live with his parents. About a year after his wife's death he meets his old sweet-heart, and now they will marry in two months, a week after Valentine's Day. The plans were all set and Yuuri felt like he had time to find a place and money was no object after receiving his prize money.

Yuuri, oblivious to Viktor's depression said:

"What are you going to do after the wedding?"

Viktor peeked from under his arm. Yuuri was all aglow, pleased with a bright future as Hasetsu's number one son. He was going to be an instant uncle and probably an uncle by blood before long. The future of the inn was secure. He could help-out with the business, coach students, do endorsements for skates and stuff, or work to promote the town for tourism. But what was Viktor going to do?

Viktor didn't answer. This confused Yuuri. Viktor was so proud when he won even though Phichit knocked him off the podium. Now he was unnaturally quiet.

"Viktor? What are you going to do? Go back to St. Petersburg?"

Viktor flopped his arm down. He looked at a now worried and subdued Yuuri. He stared at the celling and focused on a spot on it. No matter how hard he tried the future was a blank.

"Yeah maybe. I could stay with my parents for a while. Give up the apartment. Travel, maybe..." Said Viktor, vaguely. He couldn't leave Makkachin behind though...

Yuuri was getting more and more worried. He rubbed his chest. He sat gingerly on the foot of the bed. Viktor looked at him briefly then returned to the spot. Yuuri picked up his limp cold hand. Viktor sighed and was listless. It was like he used up every bit of his energy in his programs and had nothing left. Looking back, he was like this for a while, now Yuuri regretted not taking the time to talk to Viktor. He was too focused on winning and now felt guilty as the man he loved was obviously depressed.

"Haven't you made any plans?"

"No what's the point, you won't be there."

Yuuri blushed. He tried to laugh it off, but the laughter sounded hollow.

"Ha, ha, Viktor come on. There is so much you can do..."

Yuuri wanted to list all the wonderful things Viktor could easily do. But Viktor shook his head.

"No, no fun without you." He sat up and his head swam a little because of the sudden change of direction. He reached out and stroked Yuuri's cheek and kissed his hand. "You are sweet to worry but I'll be alright. It just won't be as much fun now."

"No fun without me?"

"No, the most fun I've ever had was with you. Everything we did was fun. Even the difficulties and arguments. I just loved being with you. Being your coach and friend was the best time I've ever had."

"The best?!"

"Yes."

"With me?"

"Of course, you silly. Wasn't it like that for you?"

"I can honestly say you were the best I've ever had."

Viktor chuckled a bit.

"You're cute." He gave Yuuri a cheek kiss and stood up. "I guess It's time for me to shower." Viktor sighed and entered the bathroom.

Yuuri had one hand on his heart and his other hand on his cheek. Sighing he flopped back just like Viktor did, stared at the spot and thought long and hard about Viktor having the most fun with him. He didn't really know about his past except for what was in the gossip pages. Viktor rarely appeared in them now. They did have a lot of fun. They were good friends. Viktor gave up trying to coach him as Yuuri heard it all before. He just followed his wonderful programs. It was the after hours that surprised Yuuri. The notorious party animal gave it all up...

"To stay in with me?"

It was the first time he thought about it. Being with Viktor was just so natural.

"Was it natural for him too?"

There was the two days they were apart when Makkachin was sick. They were long painful days and Yuuri got through them and passed on in the competition. He was desperate to hug Viktor, but he wasn't there. He ended up hugging everyone. Viktor was there at the airport. He looked just as eager to see him too and said he hoped he never quit skating.

"He meant it?"

He was crying when Yuuri tried to end things last year. And it was quite a while before he was completely himself again.

"He didn't want to leave me?" Yuuri paused "Ever?!"

Yuuri sat up. He set aside his glasses as he balled. He covered his face and cried over his idiocy. His body shook. He hiccupped, as a memory movie ran through his mind of every affectionate and loving thing Viktor ever did and said. It all had new meaning and one overwhelming truth.

Viktor heard the crying and quickly entered the bedroom in his bathrobe.

"Yuuri? What's wrong?"

Yuuri flew into his arms. Viktor staggered a bit, but his leg strength held him upright. Yuuri beat his shoulders and chest.

"You, big idiot! Why didn't you say anything?! You are the older and more experienced one! It was your responsibility!" Yuuri huffed. Then he gave Viktor a punishing kiss. "Of course, I love you too idiot!" Yuuri kissed him more until his words sunk in.

Viktor panted and said: "I love you more than my life." Then he kissed Yuuri passionately. Soon they were a quivering mess of gooey tears and salty kisses. They confessed again when they were a little calmer. Talked briefly about their feelings. Then they washed up. Hugged warmly. Viktor kissed the top of his boyfriend's head and suggested they get dressed for the banquet.

"I should tell my mom." Said Yuuri as he picked up his phone.

"Ooh! Me too! Better to hear from us first before the press get wind of it."

"Can we go back to St. Petersburg?"

"We better keep it secret until we can run away with Makkachin. But where can we go?"

"My family and friends have long embraced me as a gay man, and they love you. We can go there for now. My room will be a tight fit, but..." Said Yuuri.

"Naughty Yuuri. Do you know what you are saying?"

"Are you kidding? Like I would remain a virgin after tonight?"

"Ooh Yuuri do you want to skip the banquet?"

Yuuri gave his boyfriend a noogie.

"Idiot! I have yet to get rid of the ghost of that Yuuri who failed so completely and made a fool of himself at the banquet. I mean I sort of did last year by winning silver. But this was my complete triumph!"

"Ok but only one hour."

"Agreed."

They hurried to the banquet. They ate and drank. Everyone wanted a selfie with the winner of the Grand Prix. There was a general consensus that Viktor should quit skating but keep on creating programs.

"I wouldn't go around pawing any more students. Yuuri is ok with it but it is a sexual harassment suit if you grab girls like you do him." Was the general advice.

Yuuri admitted he changed his mind again. I was going to continue skating until Viktor said he should quit.

Mila noticed there was something more going between them. At Coach Yakov Feltsman's rink Viktor was obviously getting more and more depressed. Now he was obviously aglow with happiness. They were talking about packing up their stuff, renting a plane, and moving back to Japan. Possibility forever or maybe Europe. Viktor happily named various countries. Countries Mila knew had legal gay marriage. She pushed for answers and Viktor whispered in her ear they were boyfriends. she jumped into his arms and hugged him. The word was passed around almost silently among trusted friends. When Chris heard about it, he realized that Viktor might need some supplies. Viktor agreed. Chris slipped away to his room, grabbed enough for them to do it twice and returned. Viktor thanked him and popped it in his coat pocket. Two hours passed and the dancing started. Yuuri and Viktor danced seductively until they _had_ to leave the party. There was kissing in the elevator with Viktor's back to the camera. Kissing against the door. Popped buttons. Clothes tossed. Viktor was celibate for two years and clean. Yuuri was soon to be an ex-virgin. Viktor was gentle. They moaned and collapsed into a sweaty heap. Panting Viktor joined their hands.

"I love you Yuuri."

"I love you and I'm glad I waited."

"I'm never letting you go. Especially now."

"I'm not leaving you ever. In fact..."

"What? My love."

Yuuri got up on his elbow to look Viktor in the eyes.

"Viktor, dearest..." Yuuri blushed at the endearment. Viktor grinned his encouragement. "When we are settled together in our new life." He paused. "Viktor..." Yuuri took a breath. "Will you marry me?"

Viktor smiled softly. His Yuuri was the most adorable person on the planet.

"Of course, I will my love."

Yuuri sighed in perfect happiness and fell asleep on Viktor's chest. Viktor fell asleep soon after. Their hands still linked.


End file.
